I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize