One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
