We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
