You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
