my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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