it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
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