She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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