i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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