i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize