i would punch a child for taco bell
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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