Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
