Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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