he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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