i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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