I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
