Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
