Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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