I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
