Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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