I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
