tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
