I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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