I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
