After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
