You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
