end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
