Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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