tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
