i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
