I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
