someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think I am morally bankrupt
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
