u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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