Tell her she can't have a vagina
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
