Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
