We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
