I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
