dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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