based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
