They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
