ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
