He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
