Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
