If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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