no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
