Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
