I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
