Will you blow on my dice?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
