If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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