I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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