you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
