you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
