Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
