I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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