I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
