Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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