So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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