What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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