i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
