Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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