guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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