I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
