im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
