ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
