I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
