I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
