My first STD was from a foam party
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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