yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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