Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize