last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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