how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
