you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
