the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize