Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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