wakey wakey hands off snakey
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
