Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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