Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize