well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
