apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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