TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
