Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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