so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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